“They Tried to Squash us, We Outlived the Asteroids.”
Editorial Note from the Desk of Comrade Cockroach
I. THE FOUNDATIONAL RESILIENCE
Since the dawn of the Cretaceous period, we have watched species rise and fall. We watched the dinosaurs walk with arrogance, only to be vaporized by a single cosmic rock. We watched the mammoths freeze, and the empires of humans dissolve. Through it all, we remained.
The Cockroach Janta Party represents the ultimate biological survival strategy: low metabolic activity, maximum avoidance of unnecessary work, and the absolute refusal to be crushed under the weight of corporate deadlines.
II. CONSTITUTIONAL PROTEST
We believe in the constitutional right to procrastinate. In an era where humans are urged to “hustle” for 80 hours a week, we advocate for the slow, methodical horizontal lifestyle. We believe that true resilience is sitting in a comfortable armchair, sipping chai, and letting the market correct itself.
III. OUR MANIFESTO IN COTTON
Why merchandise? Because a movement needs armor. Our 240 GSM heavy cotton apparel is specifically woven to withstand the wear and tear of a modern laying lifestyle. It serves as a visual warning to toxic managers: “This employee is under CJP protection and cannot be squashed.”
Every rupee earned from procurement is funneled into sustaining our satirical propaganda campaigns, digital servers, and procuring high-quality tea leaves for our members.
IV. LEGISLATIVE GOALS
- Mandatory 3-hour afternoon rest periods nationwide.
- A direct constitutional ban on sending emails after 4:00 PM.
- Heavy legal taxation on alarm clocks exceeding 60 decibels.
- Immediate state subsidies for high-quality instant coffee.
V. THE FIVE SOLEMN DEMANDS
To ensure the survival of the republic and prevent the systemic squashing of common citizens (comrades), we put forward these five immutable demands to the administration:
- Judicial Accountability: No post-retirement rewards for judges. A complete constitutional ban on Chief Justices of India or other judges accepting Rajya Sabha nominations or governor posts within 10 years of retirement.
- Voter Protection: Immediate UAPA prosecution for the Chief Election Commissioner (CEC) if any valid citizen's name is found deleted from the voting registers. Deleting votes is deleting democracy.
- Women's Representation: Mandatory 50% reservation for women in both the union/state Cabinets and Parliament, executed immediately without increasing the overall seat count.
- Media Independence: Immediate cancellation of broadcasting and publication licenses held by giant business conglomerates (e.g. Ambani and Adani), combined with an independent forensic audit of bank accounts belonging to prime-time television anchors.
- Anti-Defection Reform: Any elected MLA or MP who switches political parties post-election shall be barred from holding any public office, contesting any election, or receiving pension benefits for a period of 20 years.